The Side Effect
by Flying Faraway
Summary: A collection of drabbles, mostly dedicated  to the picturesque relations between Naruto Uzumaki and Uchiha Sasuke. May contain possible spoilers. Non-yaoi  mostly . Reviews are greatly appreciated.
1. Side Effect

**The Side Effect**

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At first, he suffered from the sudden attack of a severe migraine: it felt as though Orochimaru's fingers crawled up on both sides of his head, attempted at crushing his temples, and then embraced the skull like an iron viper. The only way to soothe its intensity within his lonely desert shelter was putting his aching head under the numbing cold pressure of the local waterfall. Madara's condescending, ever so rational explanations about the annoying side effects of transplantation could not calm his descendant's nerves. During the period of cicatrization Uchiha Sasuke's mood had changed from dreary to permanently morbid. Every reasonable enough creature preferred to stay out of Chidori's reach. Thus, he was surrounded by the indifferent rocks which he could freely kick and curse. With the several layers of bandages tightly covering half of his face he could not really determine the exact time the pain subsided and his agony had taken other forms, more devious ones.

Phosphenes. Those resembled vague silent figures that were appearing at one moment, vanishing at another. Mocking his current lack of sight.

And then these silhouettes obtained voices. At the beginning, Sasuke was sure that one of his so-called accomplices decided to visit him in order to examine the state of the healing process. But soon he understood that the source of the whispers was nestled within his mind. Pseudohallucinations. It seemed that the young man was falling into the pit of madness because no sane person is capable of actually hearing the voices of the dead and absent.

_"You're blind"._

_"Blind"._

_"Blind"._

_"You see nothing for you are blind"._

_"You're blind for you see nothing"._

_"Blind and easily manipulated"._

_"What a pitiful view".  
_

He was listening the whole day to those cryptic variations inside his head. They fuelled his throbbing ache. Disappointment was stitched in the flowing words. He remembered from the early childhood that special tone his older brother resorted to when Sasuke nearly drowned in their family lake because he "foolishly tried to learn swimming by himself" or when the boy accidentally burnt his cheeks while mastering a dangerous (for such age) type of fire jutsu. Critical. He sounded always critical. And lenient.

Sasuke hated those memories because of his embarrassing weaknesses, yet loved those rare moments because it was the best method to gain Itachi's undivided attention.

But now he considered reproaches of the brother's phantom plainly annoying and irrelevant. He was desperately trying to subdue the haunting echo but it kept ringing inside his inner world. As if it was the only thing that filled the hollow cavern of his head.

_"Stop it"._

_"Shut up"._

_"I'm getting stronger"._

_"I'll be much stronger than you"._

_"I'm stronger than you"._

_"Because now your eyes ironically belong to me, Itachi"._

_"Stop preaching"._

_"Cease the meaningless charade"._

He impatiently waited for the Madara's permission to remove the thick coverings from his face. And when the moment came, he eagerly reopened his eyelids to readjust himself to the painfully vivid (even underneath the disperse moonlight) shapes of the outside world. His sight fully returned and he felt a short relief, soon followed by the reawakening of that voice.

_"You're still blind… my silly little brother"._

In a rush of anger Sasuke threw the bandages on the ground, trampled them, and activated his Sharingan. Unfortunately for him there was no one around to serve as a satisfying sacrifice for his wrath.

Powerless. He was ready to destroy every single being ten kilometers away from the hideout. But that damned Itachi was adamant about him being the weakling. Sasuke would prove him wrong at last. A cruel laugh escaped his moth. So wrong. And someone chuckled together with him. Another familiar voice said:_ "You should have listened to me more, dear disciple… but perhaps, I was an ignorant, unfit teacher. A blind one…"_

Kakashi. That unbearable man whom he defied. Had he recorded a morality lecture and inserted it secretly into the depths of his memory?

_"Do you remember my phrase during our first A-mission. I'll be a bore and repeat it for your sake. The price of overusing Sharingan is too high, the consequence is complete blindness. Darkness, Sasuke"._

Uchiha smirked and arrogantly drawled, _"Oh, yes. You were an excellent mentor, you spoke the truth. But you have been also narrow-minded, Kakashi-sensei. You will witness that my eyesight is as wonderful as it used to be"._

The confident statement was bolstered with a precise blow of his katana. Sasuke plainly showed his old captain that he exceeded all of his petty expectations.

_"And here you are clearly going through a rebellious stage. Sasuke, I am sorry. I never thought myself that there was something more horrible than the physical blindness… but now I know… and you should understand it too… the real meaning. Sharingan does not only rob its master of his vision but also blinds one's he… "_

_"Enough already! I had enough! Disappear at once! The next time we meet in flesh I'll personally cut out your eyes and tongue. After I finish with that big pest, the people of Konoha will see my absolute revenge!"_

Somehow the threat worked well and with a single sigh Kakashi's shadow faded. Those voices had tired and infuriated him. But why did he have to mention Naruto! The bastard. The fool. The naive saint. The one he dreamed killing. Sasuke vehemently wanted to spill his former friend's blood, brutally smash his insides, tore away his limbs and stifle that irksome flare in those idealistic cyan orbs. To die by the hands of a traitor would be the perfect fate for such a pathetic martyr. He clenched his fist and looked at the glowing horizon.

The sunrise.

Sasuke detested the sunlight. Its pervasive rays had always reminded him of Uzumaki Naruto. The same persistent shine. It pierced the Night that could not be penetrated by his Sharingan. The man with the blind heart closed his eyes and welcomed the Darkness.

_"I don't need to be saved... You should have given up on me long ago, Naruto". _


	2. Sunshower

Disclaimer: And I shall render unto Kishimoto the things that are Kishimoto's.

_I wouldn't mind reading some reviews. A thick hint, isn't it?  
_

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**The Sunshower**

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First, a wave of light burst into his heart, forcing all of the dark thoughts and emotions out, into sheer nothingness. For a moment he felt like an almost white sheet of paper: his consciousness was being overwhelmed by some strange raw purifying power. Then he heard a distant voice which was desperately calling for him, repeating his given name over and over again.

"Sasuke!"

The impudent light knocked at his tightly closed eyelids. So heavy and tired. He fully resigned himself to the awkward sensation of the bitter defeat, combined with an ambiguous relief.

"Sasuke, damn it!"

The familiar light boldly insisted. And he, surprisingly, obeyed its urgent request without showing any signs of opposition. Uchiha Sasuke slowly opened his eyes - a pair of quenched coals, freed from the fatal ancestral vermilion patterns. His Brightness, Uzumaki Naruto, with the helping "wing" of his farsighted late brother, had quite successfully sealed the power of Sasuke's sharingan, that sudden war ruse having become the turning point of the battle. He vaguely wondered when they had managed to plot together and decided that, most likely, the great idiot had simply given Itachi his special absurd promise, probably, conceitedly worded along the lines of protecting Konoha, while simultaneously saving the last descendant of the ruined clan, no matter what. It seemed that his already distracted brother had put his faith in the knucklehead against all odds. In the end, he made the right choice. While trying to adjust his vision and other sensorium to the surroundings, Sasuke was amusing himself with the idea of the Itachi's eccentric ability to calculate for miracles.

_But somehow you understood that only Naruto could do the trick. And now I owe you even more, Itachi-niisan. _

When the scales did fall from his eyes, Sasuke found himself focused on the face of one and only Uzumaki Naruto who had bent over his opponent's body, ironically mirroring (in an inverse manner) the scene from their mutual past. The young ninja was looking at his friend speechlessly, yet intently, with the deep traces of anxiety in his accentuated features. Had he only imagined that during their struggle Naruto had been dutifully bearing a calm, concentrated expression, nearly serene, as though his face, full of determination, had been carved from the rock of the Hokage mountain? Sasuke idly concluded that the best epithet for the present stiff physiognomy would be "colourful" for it was an ensemble of brownish and bronze (dried blood, burns, scratches and dirt) spots and lines, golden disheveled locks with some newly added white ones (the evidence of a rather stressful experience), and two cornflower lamps. Uchiha was mildly processing the metamorphoses of his mimic as Naruto's lips unlocked and his cheeks moved:

"Sasuke! Are you all right?"

Of all the banal phrases that fool had used the most ridiculous of them, as if Sasuke and him hadn't been just seriously trying to send their adversary to Hell but had been drawn into a childish trifling brawl in which one had accidentally punched another.

_Always a knucklehead, with an apparent tint of the Sakura syndrome.  
_

Speaking of his physical wellbeing, Sasuke could sense the blissful numbness fading. In fact, his current position was more than uncomfortable: he was sprawled on the stony ground, pieces of earth were pushing into the flesh of his back and occiput. Sasuke grimaced. He could also smell the crispness of ozon in the air (it was something expected after all that lightning he generated) and the still heated breath of the man above him.

_I should answer… the same way or he will assume that I have been contused. That dumbbell... _

"Fi… ne", Sasuke finally whispered in a hoarse baritone.

"What? I can't hear you clearly, loser. Are you…" Naruto lowered himself even more in order to catch Sasuke's murmur.

"Fine. I said FINE. Moron. And fine, I admit that you proved to be a worthy opponent, although you've cheated. Now get off me. It's annoying!" he grumbled louder at the persistent blond.

"You're… so arrogant, Uchiha", Naruto croaked between the pits of hysterical laughter. Uchiha was afraid that the whimsical person would resort to suffocating him in his arms and crying on his shoulder.

_And the Idiot is laughing at my expense. _

Suddenly a cold raindrop landed on his nose, shortly followed by its companion. The clouds were barely shielding the midday sun, which were effortlessly piercing the half-transparent masses with its sharp bright arrows.

_A sunshower? _

A faint smile graced Sasuke's face: a perfect metaphor for the two of them. At that moment both he and Naruto were listening to the light drumming, gazing at the high dome of the sky. A little later Uzumaki Junior roused from knees and offered his hand to the still lying Uchiha.

"Welcome back, Sasuke! Let's get rid of that bastard Madara so that we could return home and enjoy our reunion as faster as possible!" Naruto exclaimed with the unrivaled enthusiasm.

_Home... it sounds kind of warm in a nostalgic way. Perhaps... _

And it felt such a natural act for Sasuke to accept that outstretched invitation because that knucklehead was his former teammate, ex-compatriot, ex-enemy, and actual someone significant in Sasuke's rediscovered existence.


	3. The Day of Doom

_A humorous, yet confusing interlude… nevertheless, I hope you'll enjoy it. _

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_**The Day of Doom**

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Sasuke Uchiha was unofficially (by the Piglet Mail) requested for a personal meeting (concerning some unknown life and death dilemma as it was stated in the dubious message) with the Hokage in half an hour. That is why the abovementioned young ninja had to immediately abandon his current mission (A-ranked, no less) and was swiftly walking (grumbling, with his hands buried in the pockets) towards the reconstructed administration institution. While heading for his dreadful point of destination, he was being absorbed in thoughts. More specifically, Sasuke was struggling with a coherent answer to a single important question, which was posed by the rare duet of his reason and intuition.

"_What the hell is happening?" _

But apparently, his rational mind remained mute, not being able to comprehend any of the awkward circumstances (like flying pigs, for example), while his subconscious was bombarding him with a powerful feeling of threat, thus, signaling its owner to turn and flee to the farthest corner of the continent. Suddenly, Sasuke stopped all of his movement, even ceased breathing, and frowned. Any other victim in his place would have pulled out their eyes and started screaming but being the last Uchiha he could not afford to lose his dignity and openly show the degree of his initial shock.

"_Hn, strange… " _he calmly (sweating underneath his clothes) stated.

"_Horrible, it is horrible, admit it"_, objected his inner Voice, sounding half-astonished and half-sardonic.

Indeed, it was a truly terrible sight, because instead of the familiar round building there towered an eerie massive… erection, for the lack of a better definition, well, an erection, painted in the brightest orange, which reminded of a giant radioactive carrot. At that exact moment Sasuke inwardly wished the tribunal had sentenced the former renegade to blinding. He hypothesized that the authorities had plotted from the beginning to strip Uchiha of sense by much crueler methods, such as making him contemplate the meaning of phallic symbols in the architecture.

"_An idiotic genjutsu?" _he assumed carefully, still believing in his own sanity (ignoring the annoying Voice in his head) and the necessity of a reasonable explanation.

"_You should start chanting your salutary "I'm Uchiha" mantra", the_ Voice suggested wisely.

Unfortunately, due to his sealed sharingan Sasuke had only one option to examine the doltish illusion: to enter the abomination and personally investigate its interior. It could be some sort of a funny challenge, and he would not (could not) back down, for he was…

"_Born Uchiha dies Uchiha, I see. Don't blame me, I tried to warn you"_, the surrendered Voice sighed.

Having plucked up his spirits, the young man decided on the most secure route and approached the construction guardedly. Yet he wasn't prepared for the soon following event. The front doors vanished from his sight and instantly reappeared opposite the ninja, opened like big jaws and closed with a clank: the tower had swallowed its guest. Sasuke found himself glued to a wildly moving staircase that was attached to a meaty wall.

"_Welcome to the Wonderland", _the Voice snickered.

"_It looks more like the Wackyland to me",_ he corrected, trying to gain his orientation in space.

"_Hey, you have just joked, haven't you?"_ the inner interlocutor was perplexed.

"_Who do you think I am? Sai?" _Sasuke answered in an exasperated tone_. _

All of a sudden the "escalator" stopped (throwing its passenger on the floor) in front of another pair of doors with a golden inscription "Abandon brains all ye who enter".

"_What an optimistic way to greet visitors! Then again, you should listen to your heart occasionally",_ the Voice commented.

Sasuke was frantically analyzing alternatives, at the same time suspecting that he was, probably, doomed, to put it bluntly. He had to go through that doors. Neji Hyuga would have added that it was fate!

"You'll be late if you continue imitating the statue of the Thinker", another voice idly observed from somewhere above.

Sasuke stood up and searched for the source. It turned out to be Kakashi Hatake who was hanging down from the ceiling like a big grey bat, with his nose in some lecherous novel. Sasuke began to grasp the situation from the wrong end. At last, he solved the mystery of Kakashi's special upright hairstyle. The illustrious jounin prefered to read head first. He eagerly counted to oneself: four or five mysteries were left to expose.

"Cat got your tongue, boy?" his senior inquired without tearing his gaze from the pages. "You should feed your pets better".

"Kakashi-sensei! What…" Sasuke attempted at getting useful information from someone reliable.

"Sorry, Sasuke, I have already used up all my excuses for tardiness today. You should fabricate your own", interrupted Kakashi and disappeared in a poof.

"_How about teamwork now, sly dog! Or do you consider the late arrival a strictly personal problem?"_ the Voice perfectly conveyed Sasuke's feelings.

"_Be quiet! I'm thinking!" _the ninja ordered.

"_Just go inside, chicken-kun!" the offended Voice snapped._

And so he went in and almost nothing happened. Sasuke was met by one empty bureau and a funny looking dummy behind it.

"Hn… Tsunade-sama?" he called just in case.

"She retired yesterday, I'm the Hokage now and that is why everyone must acknowledge me", someone in a black cloak (decorated with red characters saying "The Magnificent") stated in a monotonous manner.

"Shino?" Sasuke incredulously indentified the man who unexpectadly popped up at his side and, overall, expressed the silent determination of a maniac. He was wearing his trademark black glasses and pacing.

The lord of bugs gave him a satisfied smile and transformed into…

"Knucklehead!"

"Ha, teme! You fell for it!" Uzumaki chuckled and sat down on the table.

"Naruto, why was I called here and where is the real Hokage?" Sasuke asked impatiently.

"Right here, teme. I was partly serious when I introduced myself to you!" Naruto proudly announced his new position.

"_It is an idiotic genjutsu"_, the Voice confirmed. Sasuke agreed.

"I summoned you in my office to have a private talk about an issue which has been troubling my mind for a while," Naruto got down to business and added "I want to put you in charge of my new project "Tomato Paradise", a vegetable plantation in my mother's honor. Yamato will assist you with the process of growing."

"Why?" the question emerged naturally.

"You are the most deserving candidate. You like tomatoes more than anyone else in the village", argued the blond. "Of course, I'll let you have your share. It's a very gainful offer".

"_Well, that's interesting at least. You should ask him what he smoked"_, the Voice advised.

"And the second pressing issue would be the revival of your clan. I pondered over different methods and found the most effective solution", Naruto said with a sadistic grin.

The last Uchiha suddenly felt a slight chill in his spine. The next thing Uchiha saw was a yellow flash and then he discovered himself tied to the metal chair with chakra threads.

"Knucklehead!" Sasuke growled.

"Ladies! He's all yours!" the Orange Hokage declared, letting in a huge squealing mob of faceless fangirls. "Sorry, Sasuke, it is for the benefit of your clan", his "closest friend" apologized and evacuated himself. Sasuke Uchiha was about to experience the quintessence of horror and despair.

"Narutooooooooooo…"

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"Narutooooooooo…" Sasuke screamed and woke up, coated in cold sweat. He was lying on a hospital bed, furiously gripping sheets.

"_A nightmare. Relax, it was just a nightmare, the worst one in your life. Naruto would never humiliate you in such a deranged way. He's better than that. Even if you did try to kill him several times that doesn't necessarily imply that the knucklehead will pay you back. He isn't rancorous (the merit of his poor memory) or vindictive. He isn't, is he?" _Uchiha reasoned with himself. Anyway, he refused to fall asleep for the time being.

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In the evening Sakura came to visit, carrying a basket, filled to the brim with her home-made pills, and a pot with tomato soup. With a gentle smile the ecstatic kunoichi told brooding Sasuke a secret which she thought would lighten his mood.

"Naruto got an idea how to restore your clan, he is currently discussing it with Tsunade-sama".

Another ear-piercing yell resonated through the hospital, frightening all other patients.

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"So you suggest that we should rebuild the Uchiha district?" Tsunade asked (not without a drop of scepsis) and Naruto nodded with a content smile.

_"You'll be surprised at my generosity, Sasuke! I guarantee it". _


	4. The Argument

**The Argument**

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The peaceful evening mundanity of a shared monologue dinner between two complicated friends was suddenly ruined (in Uchiha's monopolistic opinion) by a splash and a loud yelp, which came from the second blond party.

"Dobe", he commented (for the first time since they ordered) in a lightly annoyed baritone, referring to Uzumaki's clumsy act of spilling the still hot broth on his crotch and the following mad dancing performance.

"Look, who's talking now", Naruto grumbled, showing his fiery temper instead of dismissing the whole unfortunate accident with a sheepish grin. Apparently, the subject of a ruined bowl, filled with the expected delicious ramen, was a touchy one. He cared for that portion no less than Sasuke craved for a quiet atmosphere.

"And what do you exactly mean by that?" his brunet companion tensely challenged, having heard the obvious verbal jab and immediately abandoned the hope for the illusion of serenity.

"Nothing, just nothing", Uzumaki replied through his teeth, repressing the rush of his irritation. He was already seventeen years old and should behave like a reasonable adult, if he wanted to be worthy of the dream title.

"Hn, of course… because you're the Dobe ", Sasuke smirked, his voice laced with a rough provocation.

_"To hell with diplomacy! That teme deserves it!"_

"If I'm a dobe, then what will that make you?" Naruto exclaimed in pure defiance and turned to face his opponent. The accumulated frustration poured easily from his lips "First, you run away from your home-village and friends, because some infamous maniac promises the petty Avenger more power in exchange for his body. And after you magically escape from the viper's grip, you manage to fall into the net of a complete stranger with dubious intentions, believing in the first story he feeds you and deciding to throw away everything for a hollow cause! Tell me, are these smart moves?" Having finished his tirade, Naruto snorted and reverted to looking at his trebling fists.

"You…" Uchiha could not produce the counterargument, so he clenched his jaws and pondered Naruto's words. A minute later he found it, the perfect answer. "Maybe, I was a fool in the past…" Sasuke admitted reluctantly, surprising Naruto and himself all together. The blond tore his attention from the intricate wooden table and prepared to listen to the most awaited and impossible confession.

"I was a fool, indeed. But I wasn't the one who desperately tried to save a fool, like myself, against all odds", Sasuke continued, changing the flow of his speech. "So, you see… in the end, you're a greater fool, than me. Dobe!" he ended triumphantly and stood from his spot, preparing to leave. He was Uchiha, the final word always rested with him.

"Wait, teme! I… you…" Naruto cried in protest, but was too late for the second side vanished from his sight that instant. The blond cursed, but stayed behind: he was obliged to eat his evening ramen and as a future Hokage couldn't disrespect the holy commandment, established by his own will.

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_Review, pretty please! _


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